The Framework of Consent.
The legal definition of consent establishes the floor, not the ceiling. Ethical intimacy requires active, ongoing negotiation.
Moving Past "No Means No"
The 'no means no' framework places the burden of halting an interaction entirely on the recipient. It assumes consent is the default state until revoked.
The enthusiastic consent model (often summarized as FRIES) flips this. It assumes non-consent is the default until an active 'yes' is established.
The F.R.I.E.S. Model
- Freely Given: No pressure, manipulation, or incapacitation.
- Reversible: Anyone can change their mind at any time.
- Informed: You can only consent to what you understand (e.g., STI status).
- Enthusiastic: It should be something you want to do.
- Specific: Saying yes to one act does not imply yes to others.
Power Dynamics
| Age Disparities | Brain development heavily influences capacity to refuse. |
| Financial Dependency | Refusal carries an existential threat. |
| Professional Hierarchy | Boss/employee relationships inherently carry coercive weight. |
Common Mistakes & Misconceptions
"Freeze" is not consent.
During a perceived threat, the autonomic nervous system may trigger a freeze response. Lack of physical resistance is not consent.
Coercion negates consent.
If someone says 'no', and you ask them four more times until they say 'fine', that is coercion, not consent.
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